Wishes
by abby-sarajane
Summary: Dying moments are never as peaceful as we want. SetoOC.


Disclaimer: I own Tasmin. And that's it.

A/N: Remember that little thing where I said I always have to write a happy ending? I lied.

* * *

What I wanted more than anything was love. 

It's funny... I still don't know if that's what I have.

He renewed our vows just before I got pregnant. It was more of a real ceremony than a lawyer shoving a piece of paper into our faces and saying "Ta da! You're married!" They played nice music, and I got to wear a wedding dress, and he wore a tux and it was very romantic.

I just wish he'd pretended to care a bit more. It was as if he just didn't want to be there the whole time.

Eventually, I gave up on trying to make him love me. It just wasn't worth it. Besides, I should've known that no one would ever love me anyway. I'm not worth it. I never was.

My sisters were right about something, after all.

I wish this had never happened. I wish that Isobel had never left. I wish that Cat had married Seto instead.

I wish I wasn't dying.

I should've known something was wrong when I kept getting so sick during my pregnancy... but I ignored it. I didn't want to bother His Lordship and his damned business. So I hid it. And it wasn't like he cared. It wasn't like I mattered.

It wasn't like he loved me. I didn't love him. And I didn't love the child inside me. For the first few months. Then... things started to change.

I could feel it inside me, feel it growing, feel it living inside of me. A life that was half mine... It was something entirely new. And God, I liked it. I loved it. I decided that I didn't mind being the brood mare of Kaiba Corporation anymore. As long as I could raise my children, I didn't care.

I didn't care that their father would never enjoy conceiving them. I didn't care that he practically had to drug me up and rape me to get me into bed. Although that changed after a while, when I found out that sex _didn't_ hurt as badly as my sisters had told me it did.

But he promised me he would love our children. I believed him. I still do.

That's good, because I'm not going to be around to love them for him.

I'm cold. I wish it were warmer in here.

Too many doctors... I hate the hospital. I always have. I'll spend the last moments of my life hating it. They're trying to keep me alive- and for what? Has something happened to my babies? Are they sick? Are they... dead? If they are, I need to live, I need to give Seto children. It's the only thing I haven't failed at so far. I need to succeed at something in my life before I go join Grandmama and Grandpapa in Heaven.

If I'm going there at all. I can only hope so. Hell can't be that much worse than my life anyway. Or my death. I'm still cold.

"...the children are fine, Kaiba-sama..."

"Good. ...what about my wife?"

"...Kaiba-sama... I have some bad news..."

Heh. He almost sounds worried. About me? The Great Kaiba Seto? Who'd have thought it possible? It's probably a farce for the doctors, the media...

Will my children know who I am? Will he tell them? Will he show them pictures and say "This was your mum, little ones... She loved you very much..." Will he even remember me after I'm gone?

Does he even remember me now?

"What do you mean '_dying_'!"

"There's nothing we can do, Kaiba-sama... I'm sorry... The disease is so rare..."

"Find a cure!"

"Kaiba-sama, for a case as severe as hers, there _is_ no cure... If we'd been able to diagnose this earlier..."

Ha. So there, y'bastard. Got you back for being so cold to me... He really does sound worried now. Heh.

"...can I talk to her?"

"Of course, Kaiba-sama."

Oh, so they're letting me say some last words, hmm? Drat, I'll have to think of something witty...

I'm getting colder now... Is the room darker, or is it just me?

"Tasmin..."

"Mr... Kaiba..."

He looks uncomfortable. Good. I blink, and it seems to take forever to open my eyes again. "Tasmin, if you die..."

"My... babies... Are they all right?"

He looks a little surprised. "They're fine, both very healthy."

"I want... to see them." Damned if I'll die without seeing my babies. Not yet.

"You... can't." He looks very uncomfortable now. If I weren't so cold and upset now, I'd be amused. "They're in an incubator, Tasmin. They can't bring them in here."

The room _is_ darker now, I'm sure of it... I try to focus on the clock to see if the sun's going down... but it looks like it's only three in the afternoon, that can't be right... maybe I just can't see so well now... "I... need to see them... please, please let me see them..."

He pauses for a moment, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a digital camera, holds it out to me. "Here," he says, a bit gruffly. "There they are. The girl's name is Kaida. She's older than the boy and my heir. You can name the boy."

"So... precious." A smile tugs at my face and I can't stop it, then it fades. I'm too tired to smile now. "I... get to name him? Oh..." A name, a name, God, please, quickly, give me a name... Rupert! Rupert was Grandpapa's middle name... "Rupert..."

He sneers a bit, but doesn't argue. A woman's dying wish has to be obeyed, right? And besides, he said I could name him. "Rupert it is."

Smile, sigh, close my eyes, time to sleep. I'm too cold still. I want another blanket, bu that would involve talking now. I think I'm quite beyond that.

"...Tasmin."

"Wh..?" So hard to talk, to open my eyes... You'd better make this good, _dear_. I'm getting ready to die now. I think I've earned it. That pain's almost gone.

His eyes look softer than usual, almost sad, and almost lost. "You can't die. I can't raise the children by myself. I'm too busy..."

_That_ gives me enough strength to grab his arm. "Kaiba... Seto... if you... for any reason... neglect my children... our children... I will come back... and haunt you... So help me God..."

"You can't die..." How funny, as if by saying that, he can make it true.

"You... never wanted me before... Don't try it now..." Cold words, but I have to make him hate me again, so I don't have regrets now... No regrets... Not now... I lose my grip on him and my hand falls limp. He catches it, but I barely feel it.

"Stupid, stubborn woman..." His voice sounds oddly strained now. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"So... busy..." It's much harder to speak now. I think I'll have to give it up. What's beeping in the background? It's annoying...

"Tasmin..."

Stupid beeping thing is getting louder. And I can't feel his hand anymore. I can't feel much of anything. Just cold. It's getting harder to breathe too.

"Tasmin...!"

So cold... I wish I were warmer. I wish I could see my children. I wish I could hold them. I wish I could breathe. I wish I could see.

I wish I could tell Seto I loved him.

"l...lo..." Damn voice, don't fail me...

I think I left it too late now. I don't feel very cold anymore. It's getting a bit warmer. It's nice. Besides, Seto doesn't care if I loved him or not.

I wish I had been this warm in life. I think I'm dead now. It's... almost nice. I think. Grandmama? Grandmama...

"...I love you..."

Seto already knew it was too late for her to hear.

He wished he'd told her earlier.

* * *

A/N 2: Tried to keep Seto as in character as possible for this while still making him care. Don't know if it worked or not. Don't much care. Shit, people, she had his kid for God's sake. No matter how much you hate someone, if they have your kid, you're probably not going to hate them... at least as much. This is a product of way too much Pachebel's "Canon in D", roommates with boyfriends, being single, PMS and just general clinical depression. Yep. Cannon in D is the wedding song. And who better to torment than my unloved Tasmin. : smirks: Done now. 


End file.
